There is no short of elevator anecdotes. We all know the one about the silent but deadly outing of some mystery gasser while in a crowded elevator, or the deceptively cute kid turned hellion (or a giant elf from Santa's workshop enjoying his first trip to New York City) who gleefully starts pushing all 85 buttons on your way up to the 80th floor. During my stay here in Brazil, I have had a few interesting experiences myself, and while I wouldn't say most of my elevator adventures in Brazil are as interesting as the above stories, they are somewhat entertaining. Here are a few of the adventures I have had:
Conversations I don't understand...
Brazil has a lot of European descended citizens. The young and well off are also influenced a great deal in American style clothing. So while I don't perfectly blend in all the time, I also don't always stand out either. Besides, since I am living with some Brazilian friends, it is odd to find foreigners in a residential building. As a result, a lot of people assume I am a native Portuguese speaker. This makes for some interesting, one sided conversations where I smile, nod, try to imitate the tone of the conversation with my facial expressions and reactions, and then get off on my floor not having a clue about what we just talked about. Sometimes I think I pull it off. Sometimes I just get blank stares. I think that's when they asked a question I was supposed to respond to. Oh well. Just smile and nod boys, smile and nod.
Getting yelled at by old ladies...
So I am getting a little better at understanding Portuguese. But I have to be paying attention to do so. I can't just interpret what people randomly say around me like I can in English. I have to actively focus on what they are saying. So one day I am talking with a friend on our way into the elevator. In the lobby, 20 feet from the elevator, is a doorman for some extra security, to make sure nobody gets in that isn't supposed to. On the day in question, there were a couple people hanging out in the lobby when we came in, so there is already some side conversations going on in Portuguese. Apparently this elderly woman had walked in a little after us, and wanted to get on the elevator, and had called for us to hold it.
Let me digress for a moment. The elevators in this building aren't like typical elevators in the US. They do have one inner door and one outer door, but the outer door is a hinged door, similar to those we have on houses. When the elevator is not on a floor, that floor's door is locked from being open, and the door must shut for the elevator to work. So same basic idea, just different operating system. Ok, back to the story.
As I said, the woman had apparently called for us to hold the door. But as I mentioned earlier, I have to concentrate to understand what people are saying to me, and I was already talking to my friend and there were other conversations going on in the Lobby as well. How did I know she wasn't saying hello, or asking the doorman a question? Anyway, we entered the elevator, and let the outer door swing shut behind us. She caught it just before it closed, and with fire in her eyes said, "Eu falei segure a porta!" Yeah! Now you know how I felt! I'm telling you, Portuguese is like a foreign language. My friend and I muttered "disulpe" (sorry), and traded a glance, while the woman pushed the button to her floor without taking her eyes off of us. I knew women had a way with looks that can stop a man dead in his tracks, but I found out that the older they get, the more time they have to perfect it. Finally she turned around slowly turned as the elevator started up. Talk about an awkward elevator ride. At least I only live on the fourth floor. As we exited, I thought I felt my back beginning to get hotter, but luckily the door shut before it burst into flames.
Just because it's there, doesn't mean it works...
Correctly at least. It functions. But maybe it stops half a foot beneath the floor level...or half a foot above. Or maybe it has trouble getting started. Don't worry, it just needs to build up tension before jerking up and nearly buckling your knees. Usually that means you are going to have a kidney shaking stop too, so be prepared. And if the sign says the max load is 10 people or a weight of 700 kg (1500 lbs), don't believe it, a let 9 people in. Only let in 4. Or better yet, 3. Otherwise you will sit on the elevator for a minimum of 10 minutes in the same spot, while it just keeps getting hotter and hotter, until you finally start going up at about a cm per second. Then, you will pause again, and be able to see the bottom crack of the door through your eye level window in the elevator. Finally you begin the slow climb up for the next 3 ft, where the elevator will suddenly shutter to a violent stop on floor 1, although it thinks it is on floor 6. Exit immediately, and take the stairs. (this is a slightly unfair assessment, as I might possibly be slightly exaggerating to a minor degree about some things, but not others...and because most buildings have quite nice elevators. If you are up for an adventure though, a good general rule is the older the building, the crazier the elevator.)
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